The Porter Goss Hooker Scandal

Watergate-gate.

Hooker-gate.

Forni-gate.

It doesn't matter what you call the hookers-for-favors scandal, recently-"resigned" CIA Director Porter Goss is right in the center of it.

I've learned from a highly-connected source that those under intense scrutiny by the FBI are current and former lawmakers on Defense and Intelligence comittees -- including one person who now holds a powerful intelligence post. [emphasis added]

I can't wait for the press to really sink their teeth into this story!

I am sure that they will pry into every facet of this... the hookers, the parties, the corruption, the bribery, the defense contractors purchasing favors with sweet, sweet hooker ass... and probably taking photos as insurance.

And there's so much information spilling out of this scandal, it will be SOO easy for the media to report on.

I'm sure the reporters will be like pit bulls on this story!

Okay, delusions over.

CNN has the balls to post a story about this on their front page... with probably the most pathetic excuse for this out-of-the-blue resignation.



And if you'll buy THAT...



Of course, the BIG news on all the wire services and cable news channels?



Wait a minute... is that... the MEXICAN FLAG?



And so what was all this fuss over? Rep. Patrick Kennedy, hopped up on Ambien, jumped a curb and scraped his car on one of the eight billion concrete barriers scattered around Washington D.C. Have a look at the massive damage that has gotten the press all in a tizzy.



Surely, this is AT LEAST as bad as a Republican who killed a guy driving recklessly, speeding, and running a stop sign. For this minor transgression, our Republican friend received a worthy punishment:

Circuit Judge Rodney Steele sentenced him to 100 days in jail and three years of probation for his conviction on charges of second-degree manslaughter, speeding, running a stop sign and reckless driving.

Meanwhile, when the press finally wears itself out talking about Patrick Kennedy's horrific "drunken" car crash, they eventually get around to breathlessly talking about the "unknown reasons" for Goss's resignation. Make no mistake: the reasons for the resignation are not unknown. We all know the reasons for the resignation. Repeat after me, boys and girls:

PORTER GOSS FACE-DEEP IN HOOKER ASS.

But yeah, running over a curb and busting your headlight is far more fascinating.

By the way, some have cautioned me about jumping to the conclusion that Porter Goss resigned over the whole Hookergate scandal. Leaving aside the idea that if this resignation was about anything more banal, Goss's resignation would not be so sudden, and effective immediately with no replacement lined up, let alone confirmed. The resignation of a man less tainted by hooker scandal would look more like Andy Card's or Scott McClellan's.

But maybe we SHOULD give this miserable partisan hack the benefit of the doubt. So I implore you to tell everybody you know that it is certainly possible that Porter Goss has resigned over something that has absolutely nothing to do with him being face-deep in hooker ass.

I think all the Dems interviewed on the cable news networks should include this in their responses.

WOLF BLITZER: So, what is your reaction to the resignation of CIA Director Porter Goss?

RANDOM DEMOCRAT: Well, I'll tell you one thing, Wolf... there's a slight possibility that this has nothing to do with him getting face-deep in hookers in exchange for defense contractor favors, I'll tell you that right now!

In any event, the overall hooker scandal is much bigger than just some pasty white Republican lawmakers having sex with hookers.

It's also about money and government corruption.

It's not just that pasty white Republican lawmakers were at poker parties with hookers, it's that they were at parties with hookers in which hookers were used as compensation for favors for defense contractors.

I suspect that this is huge, if we ever learn the half of it all.